manhood – romans122life

Act Like Men: What boys need to know to become mature godly men

January 12, 2021January 12, 2021 by romans122life, posted in Christianity, Church, Discipleship, Life, manhood, Uncategorized

I have three energetic but wonderful sons, and for the past several years I have sought to find some sort of boyhood to manhood scope and sequence list that could help me and other fathers know what to be striving for (spiritually, developmentally, and practically) in raising our sons. I have asked many older and wiser fathers who have raised godly young men if they knew of anything like this, but no one knew of any such list. So, after much time, conversations, and research I have compiled a list that I hope will be helpful for my sons and yours. But, why make a list? Why have such goals?

I believe we live in a time of perpetual adolescence. A time when many fathers are not training their sons up in the Lord, but also are simply not training their sons up at all except to enjoy their entertainment or sport of choice. In I Corinthians 16:13 Paul writes, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” We also read in Luke, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2:52). Notice it says that Jesus grew in respect with men, even as a preteen boy. Yet, He also grew up in respect to God the Father. When I look to the scriptures I see a call to fathers to raise their children up . . . to train them. Why? So that they can live a godly life (1 Thessalonians 4:11) before God and man to the glory of God the Father. I want to know how best to do this. The heart behind this list is to have something for fathers to strive for in their training, but also to have something those young men can set as a goal and put sweat into to achieve.

I wrote this list with my children in mind. Thus, it is very contextual. This list is not universal. If you are reading this and you live in Miami, Florida, the whole “driving in the snow” will likely not be a need for your son. In your context you might want to think, “When should my son know how to prepare a house for a hurricane?” This list doesn’t have to be your list. However, my hope is that maybe you will take this list and make it your own. Use what is useful and helpful and toss the things that are not useful for your context. My encouragement would be for you to think through the list and see what you would want to add to it, and then add to it and start the process with your sons. Your desired age may look different than this one, but let me persuade you to not set the bar low. Remember the words of the great missionary, William Carey, “Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God.” If you want your sons to attempt great things for God, you have to put them on that trajectory to do it now—when they are young. So, make a list; check it twice. Act like men and teach your boys to do the same.


	What to know?	Age?
1	Memorize and understand the 4 part biblical metanarrative	6
2	Ride a bike without training wheels	6
3	Know their parent’s phone number	6
4	Know their home address	6
5	Swim without help	7
6	Do a proper push-up	7
7	Know the books of the Bible in order	7
8	Know how to read an analog clock	7
9	Prepare their own fishing rod	8
10	Own their first knife	8
11	Memorize and understand the 7 “C’s” of history	8
12	Talk to an adult by looking them in their eyes	8
13	Have the 10 Commandments memorized	9
14	Have a thorough understanding of the basics of the gospel	9
15	Know how to sharpen a knife	9
16	Throw a football properly	9
17	Have the Romans Road memorized	10
18	Shoot a gun	10
19	Know gun safety	10
20	Be able to read a map	10
21	Do their own laundry	10
22	Cook a simple meal	10
23	Have a proper understanding of the fear of God in all things	11
24	Tie a proper knot	11
25	Start a fire	11
26	Read a 200 plus page book	11
27	Have a “purity” weekend retreat with his father	12
28	Mow the lawn	12
29	Tie a tie	12
30	Understand basic self-defense	12
31	Have read “Pilgrim’s Progress”	12
32	Read and use a tap measure	12
33	Have a proper firm handshake	12
34	Shoot a basketball properly	12
35	Have a biblical understanding of manhood and womanhood	13
36	Start a first job	13
37	Split firewood	13
38	Proper handwriting	13
39	Read the Bible through	14
40	Brew a pot of coffee	14
41	Know how to pray—biblically	14
42	Change a tire	15
43	Check the oil in a vehicle	15
44	Drive a car	15
45	Fix a leak	15
46	Have a chapter in the Bible memorized	15
47	Jumpstart a car	15
48	Perform basic car maintenance	15
49	Write a proper letter	15
50	Have 10 hymns of the faith memorized	16
51	Know how to shave	16
52	Know how to drive in the snow safely	16
53	Use a chainsaw safely	16
54	Understand how to manage a budget (biblical economics)	16
55	Have their own bank account	16
56	Have some basic carpentry skills	16
57	Play an instrument	16
58	Have an overarching redemptive understanding of the Bible	17
59	Negotiate a deal or barter	17
60	Have some basic home electrical skills	17
61	Drive a manual transmission vehicle	17
62	Back up a trailer on a hitch	17
63	Type 45 WPM	17
64	Proficient using a computer	17
65	Fell a tree	17
66	Have critical thinking/situational awareness skills	17
67	Have a basic understanding of biblical apologetics	18
68	Grill meat properly	18
69	Have $1,000 in a savings account	18
70	Iron their clothes	18
71	Know how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver	18
72	Know how to perform CPR	18
73	Have a library of at least 25 theological books	18
74	Know how to properly pursue a young lady	18

Fathers . . . You Must be a Fighter

October 16, 2020 by romans122life, posted in Bible, Christianity, Discipleship, manhood, Parents

Fathers, you must be a fighter.

The Lord may have given you a strong personality. If so, you must fight to keep it in check and submit it unto the Lord. Your strong personality needs to be a sanctified personality. The Lord may have given you a more passive or meek personality. Praise the Lord for tenderness and meekness! Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek.” Nevertheless, your meekness cannot be used as an excuse to lay your fight down. You must fight against that possible vein of passivity.

If you are a father or a husband you have been called to be the protector of your home, no matter your personality (I Corinthians 16:13). The Lord has given you that personality for his glory. May it be sanctified and may it cause you to fight.

Ways to fight for your children . . .

Fight to protect your children’s eyes (Matthew 6:22-23)

Fight to protect your children’s mind (Romans 12:2)

Fight to protect your children’s heart (Proverbs 4:23)

Fight to protect them from pride (James 2:16)

Fight to protect them from the sin of this age (I John 2:16)

Fight to protect them from laziness (Proverbs 13:4)

Fight to protect them from a low view of church (I Timothy 3:15)

Fight to protect them from a high view of self (Proverbs 16:5)

Fight to protect them from low view of self (Genesis 1:27)

Fight to protect their entertainment choices (Philippians 4:8)

Fight to protect their love for you (Ephesians 6:1-3)

Fathers, you are to be the earthly protector of your home. It is time to get off the couch and prepare to fight. I assure you . . . the world, the flesh, and the devil are all fighting for your children. The Lord has given you the tools to fight and win. You’d better get in the fight.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell

Family Toolbox (November 2018)

November 26, 2018November 26, 2018 by romans122life, posted in Christianity, Christmas, Church, family, Life, manhood, Marriage, Parents

“Are We Really in Danger of Making an Idol of the Family?” – Kevin DeYoung

I love everything about family ministry. I have been doing it for over 16 years, and Lord willing will do it for the rest of my life. The spiritual growth of our families should be of utmost importance to us all. However, there is a real danger when we put too high a priority on family that it will undermine what God has said that He desires for us. DeYoung writes, “In a world hellbent on redefining marriage and undermining the fundamental importance of the family, Christians would do well to honor and support all those trying to nurture healthy families. And yet, virtually every pastor in America can tell you stories of churchgoers who have functionally displaced God in favor of the family.”

“Husbands, We’re Called to Help Our Wives Grow in Christ” – Randy Alcorn

This is a subject that I have written on many times, but Randy Alcorn really writes a helpful article on the subject on the husband’s responsibility in helping his wife grow in grace as well. He writes, “There’s a lot of stuff out there that isn’t going to draw you or your wife’s mind and heart toward God. Part of loving and leading her is pointing her toward things that will. The payoff is huge for her, you, your kids, and everyone her life touches.”

“Parents, Take Note of the Spiritual Practices Common to Kids Who Flourish As Adults” – Trevin Wax

As Christian parents, we all want to see our children come to faith and flourish in their Christian walk. Trevin Wax has provided 5 common practices that will, by God’s grace, help in your children’s spiritual progress in their faith. “The research indicated that children who remained faithful as young adults . . . grew up in homes where certain practices were present.”

“Prepare Him Room: Celebrating the Birth of Jesus in Song” – Sovereign Grace Music

If you are looking for some newer Christmas music for this holiday season, this is a wonderful album that your family would enjoy. This came out a few years back, but if you haven’t had a chance to listen to it, I would encourage you to do so. “The reality of the incarnation, the Son of God taking on our flesh and bones to save us, will be an eternal source of wonder, gratefulness, and joy. These fourteen songs are our attempt to capture that mystery in song. The long night is over and the light of the world has come. Prepare Him room.”

“Profile of an Evangelistic Home” – Joel Beeke

Have you ever wondered what an evangelistic home might look like? Here is a sermon that gives a glimpse into what it could look like in your home. Dr. Beeke gives this chilling reminder in his sermon, “Other than the Bible, you are the best or worst book your children will ever read.” He lays out what the gospel-centered home looked like in the past, and what it might look like today based off of biblical principles.

“The Torchlighters Heroes of the Faith – DVD Set”

If you have ever wanted your children to know more about some of the heroes of the faith, then here you can find the animated, true-life stories of Christian heroes retold for young people. In each 30 minute video you can lean about people such as Augustine, Amy Carmichael, Corrie Ten Boom, Jim Elliot, Eric Liddell, and Samuel Morris. These are wonderfully made DVDs that will allow your children to see God through the lives of great men and women of old. You can buy all 17 episodes at a discounted price for a limited time.

“Why My Family Doesn’t Do Santa” – Josh Buice

It is an age old debate within Christian circles. . . Santa or no Santa. I believe Dr. Buice provides pastoral and fatherly insight on why his family doesn’t do Santa. He writes, “We want our children to look at the story of a jolly old man who visits us on a red sleigh behind Rudolph and a host of other flying reindeer and find no comparison to the story of the second Person of the Trinity leaving heaven’s throne to be born into poverty as he clothed himself in human flesh—entering the world through the womb of a virgin girl—in order to save his people from their sins.” As you prepare for the Christmas season, maybe this will spark a healthy discussion within your family.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell

Christian, You Need a Man in Your Life . . . and so do I.

March 12, 2018 by romans122life, posted in Christianity, Church, Discipleship, family, Life, manhood

God has created the church to function as the primary disciple making mechanism. One of the ways the Lord has structured this is for older men to teach the younger men how to live a godly life. Some of this teaching, of course, is formal. Maybe this comes in the form of a 40 year old man teaching a Sunday School class to a bunch of middle school boys. Formal teaching is needed; however, much of what is taught comes in the form of the informal. This may look like a faithful deacon cleaning the church grounds each week that is noticed by the young boy walking home from school, or the quiet man in the balcony running the sound board week after week. Paul instructed Titus about the roles of men as far as discipleship in a letter written to him. There he wrote,

“Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness . . . Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.”(Titus 2:1-6)

As I reflect on these words, I am humbled and encouraged at the same time. I am humbled because the Lord has blessed me with so many Titus 2 men over the different seasons of my life. I am encouraged because as I strive to be a Titus 2 man for younger men, I still look to and have older men pouring into me. This is the natural process that God intended. Truly, all men need Titus 2 men in every time of life. Here are just a few times and season when this is true.

You needed one when you were young:

Growing up in a conservative Baptist church in the Bible-belt afforded me an embarrassment of riches when it came to godly men in my life. I had my family, neighbors, and many church members that filled this Titus 2 man role well. I saw them serving their families, serving their church, and their communities, and even taking time to disciple me in a variety of ways. God used both the formal instruction (Sunday school, Wednesday night classes, etc.) and the informal “God talks” to help shape me spiritually. After my salvation at the age of 21, I could look back and see how each had a hand in my spiritual formation. As a young man, I needed them to not just share the gospel, but I needed to be shown as well. I needed a Titus 2 man when I was young.

You need one now:

Now that I am in my mid-30’s, a staff member at a church, and a seminary graduate, one might think that there would be no need to have these types of men around to help any longer. Yet, God in his infinite wisdom knew that I would still need council and wisdom from those in their 40’s, 60’s, and 80’s. While I have some wisdom built up, I by no means have all the wisdom I need. I still need to know how to love my wife better, raise children when they are being difficult, and sort through other various life issues in a biblical way. I need the 55 year old man to take me out to lunch and give me a loving word of exhortation that I am working too much and need to spend more time with God and my family. This is part of his role in being “sober-minded.” I need this man in my life now, and so does every Christian man.

You will need one when you are old:

Once I get into my golden years, the need for Titus 2 men will not change. I hope one day to be the 60-year-old man that has taken a 25 year old newly married man under my wing for a year and poured into him about how to live out the gospel in his home. I hope to be a man that is teaching his grandchildren about the majesty of God. However, just because the roles shift and your primary role is to be that of Paul instead of Timothy doesn’t mean that you do not still need wisdom and guidance from another older and more seasoned man than you. That might come in the way of reading books from men of old. It may come in the way of digging up old sermons from people like Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones, or reading commentaries from Matthew Henry. When a man makes it to this point in his life, he should relish in the opportunity to fulfill this role, yet he should not stop learning. Even in his old age, Paul never stopped (II Timothy 4:13). This is what a Titus 2 man does. He is “self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.” I am in need of that kind of man now, and will always been in need of one.

I am so thankful for the Titus 2 men in my life, both in my past, and the ones that I have today. I am thankful that they have taught me to pass it on. I pray that it is a pattern that is carried on as long as the Lord gives me life. However, it is not just something for the super spiritual. It is not just something for the “professional.” God has given us all the ability to do this. He has made us all competent to council (Romans 15:14). The reality is, we are all mentoring or discipling others by how we live our lives. Scripture describes what it should look like in Titus 2. Here is my question to you who are reading this: where are you in the process? Here are a few questions to consider.

Are you purposefully discipling someone?
Are you a young man who is seeking someone to guide you?
If you are not currently doing so, would you be willing to purposefully step into this role of being an older man training a young man?
Would you, young man, be willing to have an older godly man speak into your life?

God has given us the great gift of each other to help train each other in godliness. Take advantage of this time. We need each other. Through it, you may be surprised at what it does both in you and the one that you are with as well. To all the Titus 2 men out there . . . I admire you. Keep it up. It is worth the investment.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell

From Preparing to Maintaining . . . Here Are Some Helpful Books For Every Season of Your Love Life.

September 14, 2015September 24, 2019 by romans122life, posted in Christianity, Church, family, Life, manhood, Marriage, Parents

One of the most rewarding things that I get to do as a pastor to families is to be a resource for them. I have been blessed with the gift of time as a pastor. During this time, I have been able to sort through a lot of books and studies dealing with family life. With all of the thousands of books out there dealing with pre-marriage, young marriage, renewing and renovating one’s marriage, and child-rearing, I have gathered a list of several great books that I believe are helpful that I would like to share. No matter where you are in your life, single or married, I believe these books may be an encouragement to you if you desire to do a little reading. Each book is listed in order of importance in my opinion.

While Courting /Dating or Preparing:

“Date Different” – By Greg Gibson
“What He Must Be” – By Voddie Baucham
“The Purity Principle” – By Randy Alcorn
“50 Crucial Questions” – By John Piper and Wayne Grudem
“Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood” – By John Piper and Wayne Grudem

While Engaged or Just Beginning Your Marriage:

“When Sinners Say I Do” – By Dave Harvey
“Intended for Pleasure” – By Ed Wheat
“Total Money Makeover” – By Dave Ramsey
“The Intimate Marriage” – By R.C. Sproul
“First 90 days of Marriage” – By Eric and Leslie Ludy
“Father, Son, and Holy Spirit” – By Bruce Ware
“Sacred Marriage” – By Gary Thomas

To Read to Refresh Your Marriage:

“Sacred Marriage” – By Gary Thomas
“Love and Respect” – By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
“His Needs Her Needs” – By Willard F. Hardy, Jr.

To Read If You Have Children:

“Give Them Grace” – By Elyse M. Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson
“Family Worship: In the Bible, in History & in Your Home” – By Donald Whitney
“Family Driven Faith” – Voddie Baucham

There are many great books on these different subjects, but these are all books that have been helpful to me, and I pray will be to you as well.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell

Where Have All The Good Men Gone? (And How Do We Get Them Back?)

August 25, 2015August 25, 2015 by romans122life, posted in Bible, Christianity, manhood

There seems to be an epidemic. For every single godly young man (18-35 years old) that I know, it seems that there are 10 young godly women. Most of these women desire to be married, have children, and have a family. Their problem? There is a massive void of spiritually sound men who are ready for marriage. Why is this so? Why is it so hard for godly women to find a man who is willing to play the role that God has called them to as a spiritual leader? Here are a few thoughts:

What Are Christian Men Supposed to Look Like?

There are 4 words that best describe the role of a man in a marriage: Prophet, Priest, Provider, Protector. (If you want to know more about the 4 “P’s”, please look here)

For a man to be ready to marry, he needs to be ready to be a Prophet in his home. This means that he is to be on the front lines of speaking God’s truth into their home. This is what a prophet does. He speaks to his people on behalf of God. Men do this by knowing God’s Word, regularly reading God’s Word, and applying God’s Word in the home. It seems that there is a lack of knowledge of God’s Word by many young men, thus making it difficult to be a mature spiritual leader.

A man is also supposed to be a Priest. That is to say that he is supposed to be going to the Lord on behalf of his family (wife, children). Most often this is through prayer. This does not mean simply praying before meals, but going before God as an advocate for your family. Since many young men have never been taught how to pray (must less intercessory prayer), it is a part of their life that seems lacking. To be a suitable mate one must be a man of prayer, and many do not seem to fit this mold.

A man is supposed to be a Provider as well. Paul writes in II Thessalonians 3:10, “If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.” It appears that so many young men today have yet to truly grow up. Again, this is not across the board, but it is generally true of many. Countless young men desire to buy the newest toy and live the college life well into their late 20’s. Often after college they get a job but never learn how to manage their money well. To provide for a family does not mean that someone has to earn $100k a year, but a good provider will learn how to budget well what the Lord has given them. This means becoming much more selfless. There is, however, more to providing than finical support. This also includes providing time to be with your family instead of “your boys.” It is providing energy to your family, in being there for the families needs. If a young man wants to be a godly man . . . he must be a provider. After all, this is what the Lord has called you to do (I Timothy 5:8).

The last characteristic of a godly man is one that is a protector. You do not have to wield a hammer and be an Avenger to protect your family. Yes, you should be willing to lay your life down for your wife and children if need be, but there is so much more to protection than simply shielding them from physical danger. A spiritual leader will protect his family from spiritual danger as well. That means not letting filth into your head or into your home. This may mean having to rethink your entertainment choices and places of leisure. With statistics like 50% of men within the church have admitted to looking at porn on a regular basis, it is no wonder we have a lack of young men who are willing to be protectors; many of these men are not willing to protect themselves. It is hard, takes courage, and sadly for some men is just too much work.

What is the solution?

If you are a young man that falls into these categories then the first thing that you need to do is REPENT. I know that society has failed to train you in godliness. I am sorry that it is possible that even your church has failed to train you in biblical manhood. You may not have had a godly example in your home, but it is time to stop and ask the Lord to forgive you. After that I would suggest three things. First, find a godly man who can help to teach you how to be a godly man. Meet with him often. Ask questions and observe. Second, make a bond with other young men to keep each other accountable in putting aside your childish ways and growing into maturity. Third, pray not only for wisdom in how to change, but the will to change as well.

If you are a parent of young men, then start treating them less like adolescents and more like young adults. We have an epidemic on our hands. There is a solution, however. Teach them from God’s Word that God has given them the responsibility to be a spiritual leader. Teach them responsibility by giving them chores and holding them accountable to doing them. Make them get outside and sweat. Take their video games from them and give them a weed- eater instead. Pray, Pray, Pray. Satan would love nothing else than to teach them to be lazy and selfish, or to consume them in their “work” that they never learn what it means to be a spiritual leader. Either one is a victory for him. Pray for them, but also teach them now before they are out of your home and away from your influence.

If you are a woman in search of a godly man, trust in the sovereign Lord to bring one to you at the right time. Do not compromise and settle for less. You will regret it. Until that time comes (if it comes), remember that your identity is not found in marriage to a man, but in your marriage to the Lord. Continue to shape yourself into the likeness of Christ. Submit yourself to that Husband (Jesus) first, and if the Lord chooses to give you an earthly one, you will be better prepared to take on the role of a loving wife.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell