Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category

Have you ever thought about how much you learn from your mother? The lessons are endless, and if you were blessed to have a godly mother, the lessons could be of eternal significance. For my children, I believe they have the best mother they could have ever asked for. I know that I am partial since their mom happens to also be my wife. I love her for so many reasons, but one of the reasons that has found its way to the top of my list is that she is a theologian, and a good one at that. She doesn’t hold the patent on this. Her mother, my mother, and many other godly mothers could have this said of them as well. Every mother is a theologian. The question is, “are you a good one?” My wife, like many other moms who are seeking to please the Lord and help lead their children to the Lord, doesn’t get it right every time. The Lord still has a Niagara Falls-like reservoir of grace, even when she gets it wrong. However, here are a few ways where my wife hits the mark.    

A Theologian in the Mundane:

​My wife is at home with our 4 rowdy kids most all of the day. She has to clean up water bottle spills, PB&J crumbs, and be a nurse when they fall off their bikes and scrape up their knees. This is just normal everyday life for a mom. However, she tries to never pass up an opportunity to interject the gospel when possible during the day in and day out routine of life. Sometimes, she doesn’t realize that I am just around the corner listening to her. I once heard her explaining the importance of a wise choice to my son, based on the Proverbs comparison of the wise and foolish man, after he had done something foolish for the 5th time in an hour. Deuteronomy 6 says, “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” This is taking the opportunity to be a theologian, even in the mundane things of life.          

 A Theologian in Her Teaching:

​Not everyone has the opportunity to homeschool their kids. We are blessed with the ability to do so. One of the blessings of doing this is being able to have control over what you teach. Each morning we try to open our day with breakfast as a family, and a quick time of family worship. After I rush off to the office, they start their school day. Subject one is almost always the reading of the Proverbs. She will read a chapter from Proverbs, and the children will listen and color a coloring sheet that corresponds to the chapter. My children love it. What they don’t realize is that they are getting a steady diet of God’s Word while they enjoy coloring their sheet of paper. It is amazing to hear them talk about a verse in the Proverbs that stood out to them. Often my sons like the ones like Proverbs 30:17, “The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures.” That usually lends access to a fun conversation, but when they have eyes that are filled with anger they have often reminded us of this proverb. Why do they know this proverb, and other scripture? It’s because their mother is a theologian in her teaching.

A Theologian in Her Prayers:

If you have children, you know prayer is something that should be done often. How else do you expect to get through the 10th fight of the day over the same toy, or that crayon that was “accidently” drawn all over your new freshly painted wall? Parenting is not easy, but it is a blessing and a work of sanctification. One of the ways our children learn to pray is by example. Hearing the gospel in our prayers is a wonderful way to lead our children to know the gospel. However, it is not just the words that they hear; they also hear the heart behind it. Good theology is of little use if it is only of the mind and is not fleshed out in the heart and life of a person. My children not only hear scripture when their mother prays, but they see it portrayed as well. Often when they have had to be disciplined for something, she will stop and pray with them in a kind and loving way. This shows them that not only does she know about God, but her love for God is shown to them and is heard in her general prayers and petitions for them. She is a theologian in her prayers, and they hear it.      

A Theologian in Her Love:

​Good theology is best shown by the love it exhibits. Does having a proper understanding of grace help you to forgive quickly? Does it allow you to discipline your children when they have done wrong, but yet be followed by a long hug and kiss on the cheek? Does your doctrinal stance on the fall help you to love your unsaved children by pointing them to the gospel instead of just saying “oh, they are just kids, you know”? Does your knowledge of God being our father who loves to give great gifts to his children afford you the opportunity to get on the floor and play with your kids instead of folding that 5th load of laundry because your children just want some attention from you? A good theologian knows that the greatest commandment in scripture is to “love the Lord your God . . . and your neighbor as yourself.” Can you get a closer neighbor than your own child? I have seen it time and time again. My wife is tired, worn out, and still has house work to do, yet takes time to love on the kids. Love . . . that is good theology.

My wife is not perfect. She is born into sin like the rest of us. She struggles with fleshly desires and frustrations just like all other Christians. I do not wish to paint a fanciful picture of our home or my wife that is untrue. She has not “arrived” yet as a mother. She would tell you the same with much humility. However, there is no one else on the planet that I would rather have to be the mother to my kids. I never have to fear if she is leading them astray with some errant wind of doctrine. I know she is striving to live out her faith in the mundane, in the education of our children, in her prayers, and just in her general love for our young ones. It is evident in her walk as I watch as an on-looker. I am blessed, as are my children. If you are a mother, please remember that you are a theologian as well. I pray that you will take this aspect of your job seriously. After all, your children need good theology too. So, don’t just show them the love of God, teach it to them with words and actions as well. “. . . Teach them diligently to your children, . . . when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up . . .”

 Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell          

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I have to admit, this is one of those questions that I have struggled with myself.  I am a strong proponent of Lordship Salvation, but at the same time must balance that with the belief that children can come to the Lord at a young age as well.  Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that I am not writing this to pit Paedobaptism (the baptism of infants) vs Credobaptism (the baptism of believers only).  I am a Credobaptist and I am coming from that theological vantage point.  The question that I have struggled with really is “At what time should my 7 year old (or any young child) who has professed faith take the next step of baptism?”  In a land filled with easy believism, “just say a sinner’s prayer”, and “take Jesus into your heart” mentality, I believe we must preach and teach true conversion to our children.  That is not to say that they will get it all at once, but sin, faith, repentance, the cross, and counting the cost of following Jesus are all necessary components of the gospel.  If your child has a grasp on these things (both mentally and seemingly spiritually), how do you know when it is time for them to get baptized?  Since the Bible does not give a complete guideline for this situation, I believe these are some helpful questions to ask before we agree to let them take of this holy ordinance.

Why Baptism?

What really saves us any way?  According to Ephesians we are “saved by grace through faith and not that of ourselves. It is a gift from God.”  We are saved by confessing with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and believing that God raised Him from the dead (Romans 10).  So, if we are saved by grace through faith apart from works, what is the big deal about Baptism?  First, we get baptized because we are commanded to (Matthew 28).  Secondly because it is an outward sign of the inward change that Christ has done for us.  Next, we get baptized to make a public profession that we are not ashamed to be called and Christian.  It is a sign that we are a part of the church universal (I Corinthians 12:13).  Baptism does not save us, but it does identify who we are and to whom we belong.  Why be baptized?  Because the Lord said to, and we want to be obedient.

Do they understand the gospel?

By this I mean can they tell you that God is Holy, and that they are not?  That God has every right to condemn them for their sins.  That Jesus came, was born perfect, and lived a perfect and holy life.  That Jesus died on the cross, the Just for the unjust, and that if they truly believe in Him alone for forgiveness and salvation that they can be saved.  That they must repent and turn from their sin, and if they do so, that the Lord will keep them and seal them until the day of redemption.  If they understand their sin, and Jesus’ death, burial, resurrection, and ascension then you can trust that they know the gospel in the most basic form.

Have you seen fruit?

When the child is young, grows up in a Christian home where the Bible is being taught, and makes a profession of faith, it may be hard to discern genuine fruit from simple “good raising.”  Some of the best advice I have been given is to give this area time.  Ask yourself, can you see your child growing to hate their sin more?  Do they come to you and acknowledge wrong doing before you ever knew of the offense?  Do they seem to be more loving, joyful, acting more kindly to their siblings, and more respectful to you as parent?  These are some good indications that the Holy Spirit is at work in their life, but it takes time to see if this is a genuine pattern of Spirit wrought fruit, or just good behavior modification.  Look for lasting fruit, not just low hanging ones that can make us hopeful but leave us disappointed when we find out it is bad.

Have others seen fruit?

It can be easy to fool Mommy and Daddy sometimes.  If your child has made a profession of faith, tell others that are often around them about it.  Let them observe as well to see if they can see a spiritual change in their lives.  Don‘t overlook the blessing that comes from seeking input from those who are spiritually mature around you.

Are you putting words in their mouths?

It is easy for us as parents to put words in the mouths of our children because we want them to be saved.  This is understandable because all Christian parents want their children to be in the faith, but this can be dangerous.  Let them in their own words tell their grandparents, friends, and other family members, and even church leadership about their profession.  It does no good to feed them the words if they have not truly come to the conviction of them themselves.  Believe in the sovereignty of God.  Believe that if this is not the right time, that the Lord will awaken their spirit when it is.  Pray for their brokenness and their understanding . . . but please do not put words in their mouth just so as to pacify your anxiety about their salvation.

Do your elders/pastors agree it is time?   

Baptism is an important step in a person’s faith.  It should not be taken lightly.  There should be a time of testing by those who are spiritually mature that are in their lives (II Corinthians 13:5).  Let the pastor or elders from your church test them (without you giving them the answers for them).  If all are in agreement, then it may very well be time for the baptismal waters to be stirred.  If all are not, then it is okay to allow some time to marinate and keep looking for sign of regeneration.  While salvation is an individual decision initiated and completed by God, when your child is young, it would be wise to make baptism a group decision.  We want them to be sure of their faith.  Having them baptized is a parent’s, pastor’s, and church’s acknowledgment that they see saving faith in them.  It’s a big deal and pastors should always be involved in the process.

I write this not as someone who has all the answers.  I write this as a parent and a pastor who is in the middle of it himself with 4 young kids.  Ten months ago my oldest made such a wonderful profession.  It has been almost a year since she did . . . and we are still in the “have you seen their fruit” stage.  While we believe her profession was sincere, we are still waiting a little while longer to make sure.  These are 6 questions my wife and I keep asking each other as we seek others to help us in the process.  So, should your child be baptized?  The answer is an astounding yes if they have truly professed faith, but I would caution you not to rush it and rest in the goodness of God to reveal when it is the right time.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell

Mother’s Day is just one of those man-made holidays that seem hard to just pass over.  I mean, who does not love their mother, right?  God really gave you a great gift if you had a godly mother.  As I was trying to think through what I could do to honor my mother this year I started thinking about all the things she passed on to me.  While I could name a myriad of godly qualities, there are five lessons that I learned by example through her life that stick out more than others.

Have a Love for the Lord:

There is nothing more important in my mother’s life than her relationship with the Lord.  She loves Him so.  She would often speak of Him, when I was a child, with such reverence but also intimacy.  She loves him so much, that she knew it to be her chief duty to pass it on to her children.  No matter what has happened in her life, even in great tragedy, her resolve and love for the Lord has never waned.  This is the most important lesson she passed on to my brother and I; to always love the Lord and have Him preeminent in our lives.

Have a Love for Your Family:

Second only to her love for the Lord is her love for her family.  She and my father decided it was best for her to stay home with my brother and me until we were old enough to go to school.  After we started our formal education she went to work so as to help provide for the family economy.  No matter how hard she worked, she (and my father) was always there for all of me and my brother’s sporting events, which were many since I played 3 sports.  Not only was she there for sporting events, but for everything else in my life as well.  She always took a deep interest in the things of my life.  She would deny things that she might want to do so as to be able to provide for my brother, father, and I.  She loves her family, and she would do anything for us.  She is a beautiful example of what it means to love your family.

Have a Love for Your Local Church:

I cannot remember a time in my life when my parents were not active in serving within the church.  My mother taught Sunday school, directed the youth, taught the youngest of children in Mission Friends class, and as a family we would clean the church each week.  She believes in serving the Lord through serving the church.  Any time the doors of the church were open, our family was there.  This is something that she and my father have passed down to me as well.  I don’t just love the church because I am paid by it, but because it was instilled into me at a young age that if I was part of the bride of Christ, then I was to also serve her.  To this day my Mom serves her church faithfully, and I thank her for helping to place that desire in me.

Have a Sacrificial Heart:

As is true for many godly women, my mother is one who is willing to sacrifice her time, talent, and treasures for the sake of the Lord and her family.  Almost to a fault at times, my mother didn’t (and still does not) know how to say “no” when it came to helping others.  I have seen her out to all hours of the night preparing the church for a special service, or helping a person who was in need.  While she never neglected my father or us boys, she was always willing to sacrifice whatever was needed to bring glory to God and build the Kingdom.  Her sacrifice hasn’t gone unnoticed.  It is like her heart is simply shaped with this disposition, and for that I am grateful.

Have a Love for Godly Music:

The Lord blessed my family with a love for music.  All four of us enjoy(ed) singing and playing instruments.  Now while The Eagles or the Credence Clearwater Revival could sometimes be heard blaring from our windows, more often than not it was some type of Christian music.  One of my earliest memories is traveling with my parents and their Christian quartet, The Woodlandairs, to different churches on the weekends playing Southern Gospel Music.  While my taste for Southern Gospel Music has never been too great, singing some of the great hymns of our faith that my mother would often sing around the house and at church is deeply rooted in my being.  Both my father and my mother established in me a love for godly music, and while I strayed from it through much of my teen years, the memories of it never left me, and would once again captivate me in my 20’s and do still today.  A love for music, but more importantly music that honored God, is a gift and a life lesson my mother passed on to me that is invaluable.

While Mother’s Day is a special day when we remember our Moms, it is also a day to look back on the lessons that they have taught us.  I hope the Lord blesses me with another 30 years with my mother, however, if the Lord was to take her home today, she would leave me with enough of a legacy to last two life-times.  This list of lessons is not unique to my mother only I am sure, but how thankful I am that it is true of this woman that I will always simply just call “Mom”.  I thank the Lord for mothers who love the Lord so much that they have no greater job on earth than to pass that love on to their children.  Thank you mom for doing so with your children.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell

One of the most rewarding things that I get to do as a pastor to families is to be a resource for them.  I have been blessed with the gift of time as a pastor.  During this time, I have been able to sort through a lot of books and studies dealing with family life.  With all of the thousands of books out there dealing with pre-marriage, young marriage, renewing and renovating one’s marriage, and child-rearing, I have gathered a list of several great books that I believe are helpful that I would like to share.  No matter where you are in your life, single or married, I believe these books may be an encouragement to you if you desire to do a little reading.  Each book is listed in order of importance in my opinion.

While Courting /Dating or Preparing:

  1. “Boy Meets Girl” By Joshua Harris
  2. “What He Must Be” – Voddie Baucham  
  3. “The Purity Principle” – By Randy Alcorn
  4. “50 Crucial Questions” – John Piper and Wayne Grudem
  5. “Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood” – John Piper and Wayne Grudem

While Engaged or Just Beginning Your Marriage:

  1. “When Sinners Say I Do” – By Dave Harvey
  2. “Intended for Pleasure” – By Ed Wheat
  3. “Total Money Makeover” – By Dave Ramsey
  4. “The Intimate Marriage”By R.C. Sproul
  5. “First 90 days of Marriage” – By Eric and Leslie Ludy
  6. “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit” – By Bruce Ware
  7. “The Five Love Languages” – By Gary Chapman

To Read to Refresh Your Marriage:

  1. “Sacred Marriage” – By Gary Thomas
  2. “Love and Respect” – By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
  3. “His Needs Her Needs” – By Willard F. Hardy, Jr.

To Read If You Have Children:

  1. “Give Them Grace” – By Elyse M. Fitzpatrickand Jessica Thompson
  2. “Family Worship: In the Bible, in History & in Your Home” – By Donald Whitney
  3. “Family Driven Faith” – Voddie Baucham

             There are many great books on these different subjects, but these are all books that have been helpful to me, and I pray will be to you as well.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell

Christian Education – Is it Worth it?

Undoubtedly the decision to place one’s kids into a private Christian school is fraught with financial angst.  The heart of the decision is clearly the desire for the spiritual well-being of our kids, but for most folks, the decision still boils down to a “cost-benefit ratio” analysis.  The “benefit” aspect of the ratio (as I hope to outline in part) is easy to determine; the “cost” aspect is a private affair since it is dependent on one’s individual monetary resources and potential life-style sacrifices. What I would like to do here is share my own personal experiences of the benefits of a Christian education, and thereby encourage those who have indeed made the necessary sacrifices to put their kids into Christian schools.

  1. A Christian education includes education in Christianity.  Again, based on my own experiences, Bible will be a required daily class for every grade.  While Sunday school is a good thing, based on recent data it has been shown to be largely irrelevant in preventing our children from abandoning the faith in their college years.  This is hardly surprising if one hour (two, including church) of biblical instruction per week is all one gets.  However, attending a Christian school will reap another 4 hours (or so) of instruction.  Also, since Bible class is in fact a class, there will be homework, reading assignments, textbooks (in addition to the Bible), and exams.  This yields a more intensive and detailed study of Scripture compared to Sunday school.  Hopefully the child will experience a deepening appreciation of the reality of God and His acts in history and thereby a deeper understanding of the basis of his/her faith.

Additionally, even if the school is identified with a particular church or denomination, the faculty and student body will likely span multiple denominations, and that experience can enrich your child’s appreciation of the diversity of Christian theological thought and biblical interpretation within orthodoxy.

  1. 2. A Christian education includes critique of secular dogmas. Government schools exist to train “New World citizens”; hence, political correctness and the doctrines that ground the secular humanist worldview must go without serious challenge in these schools.  If you believe the Christian worldview to be the one that corresponds to reality, then you will want your child to be taught the philosophical, ethical, logical, and evidential fallacies, errors, rationalizations, and canards that are at the heart of the secular agenda: atheism, Darwinism, scientism, multiculturalism, relativity of truth and morality, etc.  Hence, Bible instruction should include an introduction to apologetics by which your child will learn to appreciate the rationally demonstrable superiority of the Christian worldview over all rivals. The first item in the “armor of God” (Ephesians 6:13-17) is the belt of truth.  It is the piece upon which the rest of the armor is secured.  If the concept of truth is forsaken, then culture will necessarily spiral into chaos as each does and thinks “what is right in his own eyes.” The world will get its turn at your kids in college and/or the workplace where Christianity and truth are marginalized and denigrated respectively.  If you have put your kids into a Christian school, then take some comfort: Your kids will stand a much better chance of resisting seduction by “hollow and deceptive” philosophies and holding on to (and sharing) their Christian worldview if they have come out of high school grounded in truth.
  2. A Christian education includes a Christian environment.   The first two points lose most, if not all, of their vitality if this point is missing.  In fact, in my opinion, if a Christian school fails here, it fails, period.  After all, at the end of the day, Christianity is more than merely a philosophy or a set of metaphysical assertions.  It is more than reasons and knowledge; it is a way of life – in fact, it is life itself, life in abundance, life eternally.

My children had the privilege of being taught – at every grade – by teachers who were competent in their academic fields and who were also kind, caring, loving, Bible-believing, and God-honoring.  Undoubtedly, there are many Christian teachers in the public school system, but that system, by definition, cannot and will not encourage these teachers to share their Christian testimony – let alone pray with a student.

We meet together in church to worship and praise our Savior but also for mutual edification and encouragement. But actual church services are only a few hours a week.  A Christian school can provide this environment for your child for seven or so hours a day – even more if they participate in after school activities and sports.  Secretly held beliefs can whither when there is the threat of ridicule if spoken aloud. (And the state-sponsored and increasingly culturally-enforced secularism of modern America exploits this fact as its thought police intimidate into silence those voices who dare speak out in celebration of Christian values, Christian freedom, and the Christian founding of our nation.) On the other hand, there is something affirming in the process of freely speaking aloud one’s heartfelt beliefs to a sympathetic and encouraging audience –in this case, Christian classmates and teachers.  By putting your kids in a Christian school you have privileged them with a faith-affirming environment – and spared yourself the worry of wondering what politically correct, profane nonsense they have been subjected to on any given day.

  1. Christian education encourages a love of this country. The secular worldview adheres to three critical errors:  the nonexistence of God, the natural goodness of mankind, and an inevitable upward “evolution” of civilization.   The culmination of these errors is utopianism – the belief that mankind will eventually save itself by constructing a scientifically engineered perfect society.   Despite the plethora of genocidal failures of such attempts in history (particularly, the 20th century), the utopians of every age breathlessly anticipate – on blind faith – that utopia is just around the corner:  All we need is a little more reeducation, a little more socialization, a little more elimination of the naysayers, and, of course, a lot more centralization of power.   And if mankind is to be saved, the utopia must be world-wide; hence, the secular view is globalist in scope.  (Islam is a theistic equivalent.)

What does this have to do with love of this country? Christians reject the secularist premises.  We know that a global utopia is not remotely humanly possible, and the final attempt – that of the Antichrist — will be the worst of all.   True worldwide utopia will occur only when Christ returns. In the meanwhile, we struggle to construct civil structures that protect “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” and, at the same time, restrain the sinful nature found in both the citizenry and the leaders.  This country was settled by Christians and our founding documents strongly reflect the Christian worldview – and this country has, by God’s grace, survived its occasional failings and prospered like none before it.  But a lone superpower that honors God, Scripture, His moral law, and the dignity of human life and freedom is a stumbling block for secularist global utopians; it must be humbled if the secularist nightmare is to be realized.  And we see their efforts every day in the news. Christians, however, knowing that God was instrumental in America’s founding, consider America worth fighting for and preserving as it was founded.  It is the world’s best hope in human governance – until Christ comes.  Hence, love of this country should come naturally to the Christian heart – and so patriotism is encouraged in Christian schools.

A Christ-based education is hardly a guarantee your children will remain true to Christ (and a public education hardly guarantees they will not – the home is still critical in both cases.)  The world system is relentless in its self-promotion in the after-school hours – in movies, TV, pop music, etc.   But if one has been able to make the necessary personal sacrifices in order to put your kids in Christian schools, take heart – you’ve made a big step in giving your kids a fighting chance. Now, pray for them . . . every day.

Sincerely,

Bill Butt